“Are you ready? Get ready! Short Stop is here! Short Stop is young. Short Stop is an outgoing extrovert who will now demonstrate his extrovert qualities by jumping in your lap, settling down, purring, and – finally – remembering that he jumped up here to knock your paper pad off your lap so as to make room for himself! Could have been your iPad – could have knocked it in the water bowl – but you might not have totally fallen in love with me if I’d done that, huh?”

“I am ready for petting now, also rubbing of ears. I am one of the fabulous black gentlemen currently staying at Hotel Feline Rescue. I say, though, that I am the most fabulous of all, also the friendliest, and, OK, the cutest. Just look into my sparkling eyes. Am I fabulous? I am fabulous. I have tufted ears – like a lynx. The Lynx are doing well this year. Now I demonstrate my clever genius by stealing your pen.”

“Do I have Siamese in my family tree? Oh, I probably do. Do I sound like I have Siamese in my tree? Well, then, I probably do. But you know what? I don’t care who or what is in my family tree. I care about sitting in people laps, just like I’m doing right now. I am sweet and sassy – but never sour. I think I may be perfect. I am certainly all the things a perfect cat should be. We’ve declared it Black Cat Month at this Hotel – Louie over there will tell you all about it. We are the greatest of cats!

“Baseball? Yes, of course, I played baseball. You think folks call me Short Stop because I played rugby? I earned All-State All-Star honors at Wanamingo High. Couldn’t get a scholarship or a contract because, so they said, my tail was too long. So here I am – looking for you – looking for fun – looking for laps and really good munchies. Did you know Joe Meower once stayed at this Hotel?”

“I know – I do go on and on, but I am so happy to be sitting in a lap, and so looking forward to sitting in more laps at your place forever and ever, into the sunset. I am ready. $120 will get you a Short Stop. I will need a better mitt, though. How about petting my sweet, sassy head again? I’ll give you a love bite!”