“Greetings, greetings! The name is Bear, and I am a real Chocolate Point Siamese. Do I have papers? Well, no, you see, I had some – but I traded them to a tabby gentleman for 5 pounds of canned salmon. I thought that was a good deal. Can’t eat papers – and he wanted to impress a tabby lady, show her he was a real Siamese. Whatever! So here I am. Some human just left me here. I ate the salmon – all of it. No papers. Just me.”

“I’m handsome, of course. Very handsome. You may pet me, but I’m not going to jump up and down and beg for more. My reason to be is not to get petted. My reason to be is to orchestrate the world around me. No, not these cats; they take care of themselves, as most cats do. I orchestrate the people – make sure they are doing the things I believe they should do. See? They are toting cat food. That guy is pushing bags of cat litter, keep the boxes clean, yes, sir!”

“Bear does not manage or direct or dictate. No, Bear orchestrates. Do you have a world that needs some orchestration? You might want to consider hiring Bear. I make things run smoothly. Stuff goes where it should go. Bear gets good food. Bear gets clean litter. Bear is, I tell you, an excellent cat. And an excellent conductor.”

“Bear may choose to sit in a lap. Or not. Bear is smart. Bear is alert. He does not miss anything. He sees all, knows all. He is a Cat. A Cat with a Siamese cloak – and, oh, yes – very blue eyes – with which he sees all, everything. I do believe, people, that you need life orchestration. I can offer it to you. I am Bear, and, for $120, you may adopt me. Bear will improve your life. Trust Bear – he will.”