“Hi, hi, hi! Now just sit down, sit down – because – Splatz wants to climb in your lap, sit down and purr. I am a total sweetheart. I am orange and white – a Dreamsicle cat with a mustache. People look at me, and they giggle. I am just so cute! I think that’s how I got a silly name – a name that makes people giggle, too. Because, and I do say this my very own self, I am just totally adorable!”

“I will tell you that I thought I had some people once. Know what they did? They just up and moved off and left me behind. How could anybody look at this face and hear this plaintive meow – and walk away? Maybe they couldn’t see very well – or hear well, either. Gee, I hope they don’t get themselves hit by a bus. Of course, they left a happy, playful, amusing, entertaining cat – and left him without food or water.”

“Oh, I apologize – please don’t feel sorry for me. I have my self, my very own mind and spirit, and I will always have my own charm. I just would like to have you, too, and to sit in your lap and purr. I like to purr. I like to party. We’ve got some party toys here. I chase them and pounce them. Sometimes, I throw them up in the air. Me and Checkers do a little chasing. We could be fraternity boys, I’m afraid – except I don’t like beer – don’t think he does, either….”

“Hey, hey! I love you! Splatz loves you. Splatz wants to adopt you. He is a good guy – a really good guy. Do I have another name? A secret name? Oh, just call me Magic Mustache – MM for short. Are you giggling again? I do have that effect on people. Hey, hey!”

“I am happy, playful, amusing, and entertaining. Also charming and loving and lovable. And you can pet me, and I will purr. What’s not to like? Nothing! Splatz is a perfect cat! Maybe The Perfect Cat! See, now you’re giggling again. Tell you what, just dig through your pockets, find $120, and we’ll go to your place and you’ll giggle, and I will purr. I hate to say it again, but – I am so totally adorable.”