“Hi, there! I’m Newman! I’m friendly and wise. I’m also very grey and proud to be grey, but I have a secret – big splashes of clean white fur on my belly. Woo Hoo! And that’s it for raucous enthusiasm out of me. I’m a dignified, well-refined gentleman mostly. Every now and then I will surprise you.”

“I’m looking for a home that needs a wise gentleman  and that serves really good food. I especially love canned food. And I have really good ears. I can hear a can being opened, oh, miles away. Doesn’t matter if it’s by hand or by machine or a pull-top, I can hear it. And I know the difference between the sound of a cat food can and a beer can. Rest easy, I don’t drink beer.”

“My good ears hear everything – a tiny little noise. I hear that tiny girl cat, way over there, scratching her ear. But, if I couldn’t see her, then I would prepare my entire self at the sound – could be prey, could be predator.  Whichever, Newman promises the proper response. He stiffens up to scare the predator, and, if it’s prey, well, he’ll put it in his food dish – can’t eat it off the ground.”

“No, sorry, I’m not the Newman who did the salad dressings and the pasta sauce and the double-stuff chocolate cookies. Also didn’t do “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”. Don’t be so disappointed. I have my own special talents – purring and stretching out long and lean and petting my humans. And, no, I don’t have the famous blue eyes, either. We’ve got some Siamese types around here who might. But you won’t get a fine white belly from any of them. Or a smile. Or a hug.”

“Yes, yes, I am Newman. I’m friendly, wise, and laid back. I like people. I like food. And I don’t drink beer. What else would you like to know before you adopt me? I’m wonderful, just wonderful. And I ask only $120. Easy, very easy. Here I am!”