“Good afternoon! Am I not just the most handsome Orange Guy Cat you’ve ever seen? I am a total sweetheart, too. I sure could use some company – kinda lonely in here all by myself. I know – I’m alone because I’m the only fellow here right now who, somehow, picked up the feline leukemia virus. No, I’m not sick; I just need to take care of myself so I don’t get sick. And I’m not supposed to swap nuzzles with cats who don’t have it.”

“So I’m lonely because I’d love to swap nuzzles with someone. How about you, fine human? I don’t have anything that you might catch, and I am the dearest, most professional nuzzler here at Feline Rescue. I have stories to tell, and I’d like to tell them. I talk and I purr. Sometimes, I talk and purr at the same time, especially when I am so happy to see a person. Come, sit a spell, Nelson will tell you his best stories. Notice the perfect lynx tufts on my ears. Notice that I have a lot of white whiskers.”

“Especially notice how fine and decorative I am on this fine blue blanket. Me and this blanket – a true work of art. Good to see. Good to look at. And I am so pettable – and lovable – and just all-round totally good and fine cat – Orange Guy Cat. Not Admiral Nelson. Also not Ozzie nor Harriet nor David nor Ricky. Just Nelson – and I’m better at talking than I am at singing.”

“Try it – come nuzzle with me. You could bring me a couple of toys. I might fall in love with you. Then, you might fall in love with me. How could you resist? I am Nelson, and I am looking for ongoing company. I could be your Orange Guy Cat, your best friend, your purring companion. Doesn’t that sound good? It does to me. $120 covers my room and board in this fine suite – how about it?”