“Yes, ma’am, the name is Walter. You don’t often meet someone named Walter these days, but you have now. Me! An excellent tabby and white fellow who admits he was outside this building, hanging out at what the people call “the feeding station”. I was feeding. It’s one of the things cats do. So I was quite surprised when the people brought me inside the building – and even gave me my own food. Nice!”

“It says on the sign that I was “a stray”. Don’t you believe it! Look at the pristine, clean nose – not a scratch nor a speck of dirt on it! Walter is handsome and fastidious. He will never wear a plaid tie with his grey striped suit. Never. I’m stunned to be in here, but I’m not scared. You may certainly pet me; I need friends. Just don’t be asking me to wear a Hawaiian shirt. Oh, ouch!”

“Walter would also like very much to be a free-range fellow inside your house. I’m used to free range, but outside free range is scary. Do you know we saw foxes out there? Also locomotives. Also fleas and ticks. I’d like to roam through your place, roam into the kitchen when it’s time to eat. (When isn’t it time to eat?) I would sleep on your bed, maybe even when you’re in it. I like to watch squirrels through the windows, also television on Saturday nights. A simple life for Walter with a good heart.”

“Walter is a good man. His white feet are as clean as his pink nose. I’m thinking of running for Governor – Libertarian ticket, of course. I’m a Cat. We don’t take orders and, mostly, we also don’t care to give orders. Walter just wants all nine of his lives in a safe, well-fed place. If you have one of those, please round up $120 and stuff them in your pocket. Then come on over and take Walter to his good, simple life.”