“Well, this is so embarrassing! Last year I was Miss Wayzata and 2^nd runner-up for Miss Minnesota, and this year, I was nabbed by animal control and sent here to Feline Rescue to find myself a home! Embarrassing! From a fine crown of diamonds on my petite tabby head to a drab pound wagon. Oh, dear! (Well, OK, the crown was glass and plastic – but it was polished!) Animal control said, ‘We don’t care who you were last year. This year you are homeless, and you need to find a home!’”

“So here’s my elevator speech: I’m cute, and I’m beautiful. I’m small. I have many colors; you may call me tortie or calico, but I’d prefer you call me princess. After all, I was Miss Wayzata, and I’m much more cuddly than Miss Richfield. I’m smart. I figure things out all by myself. Like right now, I’ve figured out that, if I climb up your shoulder, I can jump on that shelf, and then on the next shelf, and one more, and I can stare out the window! Ah, fine work, Wayzata, fine work!”

“OK, three floors to go – here’s the rest of it – I am sleek and very soft and very clean. The bottoms of all four of my feet have the cleanest, softest pink pads you will ever see. Truth. I am black and orange and white and totally adorable. And – I even do perky! Perky! Truth.”

“’So, Miss Wayzata, what was your talent in the Miss America competition? Did you have a talent? Did you sing?’ Please, nothing so ordinary as vocalizing! I, Miss Wayzata, am a virtuoso in scratch board percussion. I prefer the slanted and curved boards – more nuance, you know – and I can beat out rhythms almost as well as Ringo Starr or Charlie Watts. And I’m a girl! Want to hear me do ‘Little Drummer Boy’ rum-tum-tum?”

“I can tell that you need a perky, petite cat girl in your life. And here I am – Miss Wayzata – perky and petite – and only $120 sends me home with you and restores my little glass and plastic crown. Am I cute or what?”