“Good afternoon! I am fine and furry and an excellent cat. I do not say so lightly. I am black and white, well-laid-out in complementary color blocks. If I added just a bit of blue, maybe red and yellow, you might mistake me for a work by Mondrian. As it is, you’ll more likely take me for a reasonably large, rather mellow, guy cat – probably not by Mondrian.”

“I am a solid, squared-away fellow. I know who I am, and I do not go searching for answers that I’m not going to find. No point in wasting my energy on things that do not involve food, good people and clean feet. Clean feet matter. I say so. Pardon me while I wash my right rear one; I’ll be done in a minute.”

“I’m friendly and kind, but I’m not all mushy and gushy. I’d love it if you would pet me and tell me how handsome you think I am, but don’t expect me to sigh and swoon like a 10-year-old at an Ed Sheeran concert. I am a guy cat with a good solid year or two of living, and I don’t swoon. Not a chance.”

“I observe the world around me, and I study it. It is good to know what is around. I observe that there are wild women with furry toes in this room. They are around. I watch them. Then I go to sleep. Sleep is good. Sometimes I dream, usually of chicken or tuna.”

“What does B.B. stand for? Oh, I can’t talk about that. I mean, would you ask B.B. King what his B.B. stands for? I could do what he’d likely do. I could sing, ‘The thrill is gone, It's gone away from me, The thrill is gone baby, The thrill is gone away from me, Although, I'll still live on, But so lonely I'll be.’ Because, truth be told, I am lonely. I came here to find my forever, solid as rock people, not some now-you-see-us-now-you-don’t people like I might have had once before.”

“You know what? You look to me as though you need B.B. Bear, an almost Mondrian, solid, strong, goodhearted cat guy in your life. That’s how you look! How about $120 to the nice adoption counselor over there? If you offer her the money, she’ll let us go home together. Cool.”