“Howdy, people, I’m Zane. If you think you’re seeing a real tiger, you’re probably seeing me. I’m big, I’m tabby, and I’m handsome – but I’ve not been walking around the Paris suburbs. Really not. Could have been in Paris that I lost my front claws, but I doubt it. I think that happened right here in Minnesota. I’m a mature fellow, but I’m not an old man. No, I’m not!”

“Stop over to Feline Rescue and watch me play. Ask one of the people here where Da Bird is. Zane would like to show you how he plays with Da Bird! I leap, I pounce, I go round and round in big tiger guy circles – stomp, stomp, stomp, I’m a heffalump! Raow!”

“I need to take a brief break from our game – not because I’m tired – never – but because I need to re-establish my hegemony over this room. (Zane knows big words….) See, some humans were here earlier, and they brought a whole lot of new stuff into the room. Stuff that has not yet been properly inspected by Zane! Zane is the Stuff Inspector! Yes! This looks like bags of litter for our boxes. Yes! Smells like clean litter. The humans did well. Did the humans bring food? Oh, goodie! By any chance, did they bring mousies? Zane just loves to play with mousies!”

“Zane admits he’s a player and a bit of a party boy. He loves people who love him. He’s large and wise and expects respect and admiration and time to play. He occasionally gives speeches on animal rights. Yes! Animals have rights! People have rights! Rights to be appreciated for who we are. Yes!”