“Hey, there! Could I buy you a beer? I’d buy me a beer except I’m too young. Only about a year, they say. I’m a friendly, personable, black and white guy, just looking for his people, his forever people. If you’ve been sorting through all these tabbies with white feet, looking for someone distinctive and different, I am Slapshot. I am black and white – not a stripe on me. Nary a one, anywhere. And I’m a very good guy!”

“Do I play hockey? Yes, I can swat a purple mouse as surely as if it were a hockey puck, but, on the other hand, I have all my teeth. My real teeth, the better to eat my food with, my dear. I suppose I could be a hockey player, but I could also be a professor of mechanical engineering. Your choice: if you’re looking for a cat – an excellent cat, by the way – who designs perpetual motion machines, Slapshot is your guy. On the other hand, if you need a star forward for your back yard rink, Slapshot could also be your guy.”

“Perhaps I am all of the above and ready to join your party! I am gentle and dignified – except, maybe, during an actual hockey game. I’d prefer to sit and watch. If you’re a hockey fan, I could sit in your lap while you watch on your big screen TV – or on your tablet. And I’d be happy to yell, ‘He scores!!’ at regular intervals. ‘He scores!!’ Sounds good, huh?”

“OK, I came to Feline Rescue via animal control. They claimed I was hiding in the net behind the goalie, hoping to swipe the puck. This is not true – simply not true. I was just walking by, minding my own cat business, when the puck went into the net. All I did was yell, ‘He scores!!’ And somebody said, ‘That cat is after the puck!’ I was not.”

“Now I’m here, looking for a really good home with some really great people – or person. Looking for my people, Slapshot’s people. Might you pet me? But of course. I’m the most pettable cat – without stripes – around. Good people, really great people, bring just $120 to Feline Rescue, and Slapshot will join your team. He’ll purr and…he’ll say, ‘He scores!!’”