“Hey, hey, hey! Yay! It’s Me – Willie the Wild, Willie, Willie! Listen to me, people, I am Willie, the One-Eyed Jack, I mean Cat, and I rode with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I am One-Eyed Willie, and I love being a Cat. I am a Wild cat, and I am a famous cat. I’m One-Eyed Willie, a 17^th century pirate in Astoria, Oregon. True – get The Goonies from Netflix – you’ll see.”

“That’s not all! I have a doppelganger! Google it – don’t have time to explain it – I have to flip Yukon in the water bowl! Splash! In he goes! Yo, ho, ho (and a bottle of rum). About the Doppelganger – he’s orange like me – he’s a cat like me. He’s got one eye like me – and his name is WILLIE! Could the universe have two of us? Will the universe survive two of us? This other Willie the One-Eyed Cat lives at the Cat Clinic in Cary, North Carolina, not too far out of Raleigh. I do hope he’s half as wild as me – oooee!”

“So I’m orange and I’m wild and I have only one eye. What else would you like to know before you scoop me up and take me home forever and ever and ever?  I play soccer. I knock the ball about, always goes in the net for Willie. I roll it across the room, knock it under that kennel. When it flies out the other side, Willie flies after it and sails through the tunnel – oooee! Shall I fling Yukon in the water bowl again? I love tunnels and little rubber balls and fun. I do not need another eye to play soccer.”

“Here come the goodolegirls – Pinto Pie and Benita and Taormina. They think I’m a punk. They are right. They hiss at Willie – shame on you – grown women hissing like that at a poor little guy with only one eye. Shame on you. Perhaps you girls would like to go in the water bowl? Hmmm?”

“Where are my people? My forever people who want to adopt pure entertainment. Bring your $120 to take me home. You will make me and yourself so happy. And Yukon and these pudgy, hissy women will be even happier. (Do you suppose we could go to North Carolina and visit my doppelganger?)”